the vince man

The Vince Man: Circa 1998....

The Vince man. Yeah, that what I'll call him. See we met just by chance, who would have thought boy meets girl through a dog ad. Yep, that right, I was actually looking for a dog, when I met him, figures that’s what I he turned out to be. Well not really, he took me out on few dates, nice places too, none of which I had to pick up the tab for.

I was lonely one night after work, and decided that I looked too cute to go home as usual. I called Vince up so I could meet Apples, the lab mix he had up for adoption. He was busy working late. Instead, we ended up sharing our sob stories over the phone for a while. After speaking for a while we came to the conclusion that I really wasn't looking for a dog, but perhaps a date.

He calls me the next day at work, and we share more about ourselves. We sounded pretty interesting to one another, and after describing ourselves we decided that we should meet later on after work. I already had a sense of what he would look like; he was impressed by my ability to tell him what he looked like over the phone. I wasn't looking my best that night. I had been late for work, so I didn't put on my usual costume, besides I had no idea that I would be meeting someone.

We picked Pizzeria Uno on 6th and Waverley. We were to meet at 8p.m.; I guess he had some anxiety about meeting me, because he was 2hrs. Late. I knew it was him as soon as I spotted him. He was kind of short, but had a nice haircut and good features. He dressed well, so at least that made up for his lateness and his height. I wasn't bold enough to walk up to him, because I did it once and I was really embarrassed by my cockiness. He crosses the street, as I decide to call it the night. As we walked pass each other, we make eye contact. I knew it was him, he was just trying to get a better look at me. I keep walking and hear him call my name. I turn around and walk towards him.

He was relieved. He was so happy that I was Julia. He had this encounter with this chunky chick at Uno's. See I got tired of waiting outside of UNO's and went into Waverley diner to wait for him. So there we were checking each other out. The first thing he says, "Boy am I happy that it's you, there was this fat girl at UNO's, and for one second I thought it was you." I told him that I knew it was him right away, I just knew it.


I lead us to his car, something else that he's impressed with. 2nd Self read the license plate of the red 1988 Acura. The car was a mess, cassette everywhere, empty juice containers, junk mail; the boy practically lived in his car. As he throws everything off the seat, he say's "I have another car at home, I just use this during the week". I've had it for ten years, it get me around. I knew it then that he was a show off, or really felt the need to impress me, WHY? I don't know. There I was driving off in some stranger's car without a worry in the world.


We goes to this really cool place and have a few drinks. We were really getting along and everything. He laughed, and joked around the fact that we met through a dog ad. After having a few drinks, we head uptown. On our way to nowhere, he asks me if I ever did or do drugs, like smoke pot. I told him that I hadn't smoked pot in a month, because he gets me paranoid. He laughed and that was the end of that. We go to Cafe Ole; it was this really nice fancy coffee shop in upper west side somewhere. While we are having coffee, he says, I can't believe how I met you, you’re perfect, and I’m waiting for something wrong. He says, "Wow your drug and disease free" right? I thought we went over that already. "Yes Vince I'm drug and disease free". This guy really doesn't listen to me. We have our coffee and he drives me home. It was a pleasant evening, I got home around 2:30 a.m., and I felt like such an adult.

He leaves me a message the next day, and we talked later on that night. My mom was coming into to town, and we thought maybe we could take her to see Titanic. We planned to meet Wednesday, and talked on the phone the entire week. We didn't meet on Wednesday, and made plans on Thursday for Saturday. We both made it clear that we had issues around making planning.

On Friday I go out on a date with Larry, it was cute, he took me out dancing. I had a different type of experience with Larry, I mean he's a nice guy but I didn't find myself attracted to him. Anyway, Vince calls to confirm our plans before I left to go out with Larry; it felt nice having these guys in my life. I dance, hang out, Larry introduces me to all his friends, and the date ends.

Saturday I went to Ruth's Seder dinner, it was lovely. I had to call Vince and adjust our plans. I told him to pick me up at Ruth's around 9:45 p.m. instead of our original 8:00 my place time. He takes me to see STOMP, it was great. We go to BENITO's and 3rd Ave somewhere. We play 20 questions and share a lot of conversation. HE asks me again if I smoked pot, I told him that I didn't. I started to feel, like he was an investigator for the DEA. I mean Damn, how many times do I have to tell you something until you can believe it. I told him no once again. I let it slide and didn't make an issue over it; we were having a nice night, why ruin it, due to his lack of listening skills. After a few drinks, we head out to French Roast, this really cool 24 hr. diner on 84th and Broadway.

He starts talking about this dress, and making faces. He staring at the waiter, so I asked if he needed anything. He says no I'm just looking at the haircut or dress on some chick. He assumes that I’m upset by his actions. I make a few comments about his behavior, and proceed with my conversation. He continues to act as though something is calling his attention, at this point I really don't care. We drive to my place, and he likes it. We talked for a little while and then he leaves. We had a late night; I didn't get to bed until 4:30 that morning.

We talk on the phone during the week. HE once again states that he can't believe that I don't smoke pot, because I sound different on the phone, I sound so relaxed. It kind of took it as an insult. Did I have to be high, to be relaxed. He was making assumptions about me based on stereotypes. We get into this heated conversation about his listening skills. I stand my ground and speak up. I'm not going to sugar coat things anymore.


He starts to change things around, trying to get out the hole he just dug. He finally comes out clean, apologizes and we move on. Vince and I have had our few uncomfortable moments in the past. It made me think that it was too soon for this sort of behavior, so early in our stage. After that, we talked a few times on the phone.

He brought me a few books to read on my way home. I felt uncomfortable around him. I couldn't put my finger on it; there was just something that was off. I didn't want to really explore with him what it was, but while I was in Boston I realize that we were not going to work out. I was too strong-minded for him; I think I challenged him in ways he's never been challenged before. I don't know if it's me or what. Maybe I got scared, that this might work, maybe I really didn't like the fact that he didn't listen or trust me. I don't like guys who have to prove things to me.

Vince was cute, funny, ambitious, smart, well-manner etc.. What he didn't display was his passion, his realness, and his true self. That "2nd self" plate said a lot about who Vince was. The guy who had many sides, none of which I got to see!